Tomorrow will be my first in person therapy appointment since covid. My therapist requested it. We’ve been having telephone visits, so it makes sense for her to want to see me in person.

Our discussions are open, honest and organic not orchestrated. However, if I had to put in a nutshell some of what I’ve been feeling and will share, is that in this world of HS with it’s limitations and challenges, I feel like a miniature person in a great big world, reaching out for things, but too small and exhausted to actually reach them. I get an idea of something I want to do, but carrying it out turns into quite another story. And while it feels that everyone else is going through and living their lives, I feel like I’m yelling in a voice too small to hear, “Hey, wait for meeee!!”

This feeling is most prominent when I attempt to engage in things that used to be my norm, but then I’m left exhausted, in pain or just opting not to do them at all. As I strive to fight to have a fuller life, this realization is ever present. Despite this, I keep pushing. I’m sometimes left in disbelief of present life compared to what and how it used to be, but with all I have, I’m striving to focus on what I can and what I am doing.💪🏽

I’m now working to put my energies into really keeping myself fed and upbuilt spiritually. Reading, watching and listening to the bible and bible based videos and recordings, so that I can focus on it’s message of the kingdom that will bring my suffering to an end. Sometimes I end up mentally drifting and staring off as a myriad of thoughts go through my mind, but this goal is one I’ll persist with. It’s crucial to me maintaining at this time in my life. And while it doesn’t take away my problems right now, it is helping.🙏🏽